Indian Idiots - II (People and Eating Outlets - Bad Combo)

Sometimes people suck. Well, most of the times, they suck, but I was just being polite.

Now that I have stated a universal truth, let me begin my long overdue rant about people and their behaviour in restaurants. You may have:

a) Noticed this behaviour
b) Been guilty of this behaviour at some/most point/s of time.

First one: Have you noticed how everyone becomes conscious of their hair once they enter a fast food joint? Ninety percent of these sorry idiots have dandruff. And they place themselves right at the counter and start running their greasy palms through their hair.

"Idly with chutney, ma'am. Oh, and a little something from that gentleman with that black t-shirt. I'm sure it tastes better than the chutney."

No, it's just, well, garnishing, I guess.

How stupid are these fast food people, by the way? I've noticed one common thing (apart from bad, but nevertheless cheap, food) in all the "darshinis" I've been - mirrors. I mean, who the fuck cares what you look like when you're eating? I don't. And neither should you. You look ugly - with or without that food in your mouth.

Second, well, one: People who sneeze at restaurants. I'm tired of phlegm masala and phlegm fried rice and snot manchurian with extra phlegm. It's like some people have a reflex action to food or something - sneeze when you see food.

A little piece of advice - the next time you see something white floating in your soup, don't always assume it's butter.

Third: Somewhat similar to the previous one. People who blow their noses or clear their throats loudly at the "wash area". In most fast food joints, the "wash area" is nothing more than a wash-basin with a broken tap.

"Yes, saar. You can use the drinking water to wash your hands".

Coming back to the loud fucks. I think it's voyuerism.

"Hah, I got more stuff in my nose than he does."

"Hah, kid! It takes a man like me to make so much noise... through the nose!"

Fourth: Conversations.

You're at a fast food joint to eat. Period. You're not there to converse. The only conversation you should have at a fast food joint is when you are ordering food. Maybe a few pleasantaries exchanged with the guy who is serving you so that you get quicker service the next time, but that's it.

I don't want to listen to your opnions about the cricket team or the football team or any sport. I don't want to know what my pay hike is going to look like or if I'm getting any hike at all. All these matters can be addressed at an appropriate platform.

Oh, one more reason I don't want to listen to your opinions.

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

No, really.

And fourth: FLUSH WHEN YOU PEE YOU FUCKS! If the flush isn't working, go out, drink some clean water and pee more. That should, well, clean things up. No, wait.

Fifth: Have you noticed people ask for "warm water" at these fast food joints? That got me thinking....

What is warm water?

How hot is warm water?

If it is hot, why is it warm?

If it is warm, why isn't it hot?

It's summer. Why won't people ask for cold water? Buttermilk, maybe?

Hmm...

Oh and people do ask for "warm Pepsi" too. Weird.

Sixth: People who pay to waste food. Seriously, imagine paying twenty bucks for a full meal and wasting half of it. All you bastards with the silver spoon up your asses might say, "it's just twenty bucks."

To all those who say that - the middle finger.

Food is food. No price tag on it.

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Fair & Lovely ad has inspired me: Trust me, it has. In this ad, there's this Miss World contestant who says something about respecting your language if you want the world to respect you... something along those lines, I don't remember (no wonder it inspired me).

So, I'm going to say something in my mother tongue. You know, as a sign of respect...

Thevdiya pasangala!

Aaameeeeen.